Onus of the Family, Mengzi 4B.33

What is your responsibility to your spouse? Earlier I posted on Mengzi 1A.1 and its life-applicable truths; now let us look with a passage of Mengzi at this new but not-so-new question.

《離婁下, 33》

齊人有一妻一妾而處室者，其良人出，則必饜酒肉而後反。 其妻問所與飲食者，則盡富貴也。 其妻告其妾曰： 「良人出，則必饜酒肉而後反； 問其與飲食者，盡富貴也，而未嘗有顯者來，吾將瞷良人之所之也。」
Of the people of Qi there was one with one wife and one concubine and lived [together with them] in his house; when the husband went out, he then would certainly sate himself with wine and meat and [only] afterwards return. His wife would ask with whom he drank and ate, and then all of them were “rich and noble”. The wife informed the concubine, saying, “When our good man [husband] goes out, he is sure to have sated himself with wine and meat and afterwards to return; when I inquire about his drinking and eating companions they are entirely ‘rich and noble’, but never once was there an illustrious person who came: I intend to spy out where [it is that] our husband goes.”
蚤起，施從良人之所之，遍國中無與立談者。 卒之東郭墦閒，之祭者，乞其餘； 不足，又顧而之他，此其為饜足之道也。
Rising early in the morning, she followed a winding path to her husband’s destination; throughout the whole country there was none who stood and talked with him. At last he came among the graves of the eastern outer wall, came to those holding memorial ceremonies, begged for their leftovers. This not being enough he looked around further and begged another; this functioned as his way of getting sated and filled.
其妻歸，告其妾曰： 「良人者，所仰望而終身也。 今若此。」 與其妾訕其良人，而相泣於中庭。
His wife returned, and informed the concubine, saying, “One who is a husband, he is the one whom we look up to in hope, and come to the end of our lives. Now he resembles this!” Together with the concubine she reviled her husband, and mutually they wept in the central hall.

The responsibility of the family ethos rests far more heavily on the husband than on the wife. Yes, the wife is called to respect and submit to her husband (Eph. 5.22-24; Col. 3.18), but implicit in this is that a husband should, prior to being yoked in marriage, be respectable, or he should not take a wife. This is suggested in 1 Timothy 3.2-3 by (concatenative) association:

Therefore^(A) an overseer^[a] must be above reproach,^(B) the husband of one wife,^[b](C) sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable,^(D) hospitable,^(E) able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but^(F) gentle, not quarrelsome,^(G) not a lover of money.

Furthermore,

Likewise,^(A) husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker^(B) vessel, since they are heirs with you^[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Pet. 3.7)

What does it mean for the woman to be the “weaker vessel”? The woman is the weaker vessel because she must have said “I do” to a husband she can respect and submit to in the Lord so as not to be dominated by men; put another way, the woman must have chosen to be married to such a man, one she could look up to and count on, as the wife in Mengzi’s parable describes one who [rightly] plays the role of the husband. To honour the wife, then, follows from the husband affirming her equal worth and dignity before God and men, as the ruler of a nation must honour the people.

The husband is called to unconditional love, and the wife to unconditional respect. Each is the hard thing for each to do. The king of a state is the servant of the people; likewise the husband is the servant of the wife. The wife will naturally look to the husband for leadership, whether he can fulfil the role or not, just as the king in his position sets the tone for his officials and nation to follow:

[B]ut let your adorning be^(A) the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham,^(B) calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and^(C) do not fear anything that is frightening. (1 Pt. 3.4-6)

The expectation for the husband is this:

^(A) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and^(B) gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by^(C) the washing of water^(D) with the word, so^(E) that he might present the church to himself in splendor,^(F) without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.^[a] In the same way^(G) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because^(H) we are members of his body. ^(I) “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and^(J) the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However,^(K) let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she^(L) respects her husband. (Ephesians 5.25-33)

Let us take up our cross daily and follow Christ.